The iced tea with blackberry flavor was refreshing and delicious. There was, however, a slight after taste of bitterness. Bittersweet just like the moment because as he drank his tea, he stared at me for some kind of conversation starter, I could only assume. It was beautiful but left me feeling a bit awkward. I drank my tea and finally took it upon myself to break the ice, “So, do you come here often?” “Oh, here?” he asked and pointed toward the floor. I nodded as he continued, “yes, I live in an apartment upstairs.” “Oh really? What’s it like?” I asked, feeling a blushing coming over my cheeks. He smiled at me as if he noticed the slight pinker tint and pointed upward toward the ceiling. “It’s nice, I help Ruby and John with the place from time to time and they let me stay there for a reasonable rent. I am attending school. Biology major.” “Wow! Interesting field. I think that’s incredible. I am a ballet teacher at Julio Performing Arts downtown.” I said with pause of awkward silence. I looked away to see the crowd of people at the bar as the noise seemed to suddenly go up five decibels. “Hey”, Grant said a bit more abruptly to distract me away from the noise, “Would you like to go for a walk and get some fresh air? It’s getting stuffy in here.” He flashed a dashingly tantalizing smile at me. It made the desire to be alone with him crystal clear. I nodded gently at his request.
We walked to the door very shortly after I agreed to go on the walk with Grant. This mysterious man with brains and beauty. A very challenging combination of traits to find in one person. I wanted to get to know Grant so I suggested we take our walk on the sea of concrete in the city with the lights and hustle bustle around us but then, as part of the deal, go for a walk on the shore by the ocean. He agreed. So we set out to walk under the lights of the city with the beams of a full moon shining down as well. It was a clear night and the stars were easy to see. They were absolutely brilliant. The smog from the city often blots them out so being able to see them as clearly as we could was magnificent. We had no clue where we would end up. The very idea that we were leaving this evening all up to chance had such an appeal like a sense of freedom. A beautiful and clear night sky, a walk among the hustle bustle of the beautiful city, a sea shore walk, and then where else was all up to a bridge we would cross when we got to it. It was so perfectly romantic.
We talked about life topics in general and broke opinions down to specifics. We were getting to know each other. Our conversations became passionate and deep as waters in motion. I couldn’t stop thinking about the ocean. For some reason since I had been alone with Grant, it had become all that lingered on my mind. When could I get him to the shore? Why did I feel such a strong pull to be alone with him near the waves? The question nagged on my mind throughout our conversations. When one conversation would end, another one would begin. One would lead to another and through all of it, I couldn’t wait to be alone with him at the shore.
I couldn’t answer that nagging question to my own inner satisfaction. I supposed I would figure it out when we got to the ocean. I was becoming exceedingly curious about why it was. I held my composure, nonetheless. I turned to him and said, “Grant, would you like to accompany me to the beach?,” as my curiosity would no longer stay quiet. He flashed that stunningly beautiful smile at me again. My heart jumped into my throat for a moment. “Absolutely”, he said and then added, “but, first, could I ask for your hand in mine on our next stroll near the waves and breeze?” “Well”, I smiled shyly, “perhaps, since you said it so gently. I am willing to consider it.” I winked at him. I was really enjoying the moment. I didn’t realize how much I longed for his company until then. I was becoming comfortable with his presence. What was going to happen next, I thought, as I placed my hand into his. “Do you think we should take my car to the shore and then walk on the beach?” I asked with a touch of bewilderment of the enticing thoughts that were starting to race through my mind. I am sure he noticed in my voice. My instincts told me he noticed. Even though the racy thoughts were unbeknownst to him and I couldn’t help but to wonder what he could’ve been thinking as well. Were we thinking the same kinds of thoughts? “That would be great!” he said.
We turned around and began walking back toward the diner. The night continued to stay decently clear as the stars kept shining and hanging on to their brilliance. It was ironic how the setting, the scene, and the stage just seemed to flow so deliriously perfect as I walked with Grant. “So far,” he began, “Yarah, I know you were adopted in Brazil and moved to New York when you were young and had a happy adolescence, but, I can’t help but wonder if you ever think about your country of birth? I have often been curious, myself, about South America, Brazil, in particular. You ever consider visiting there?” He turned me toward him and we stopped on the sidewalk under a street light. His light touch on my shoulders melted me in ways I have not known until then. He brushed a piece of hair behind my ear and smiled at me with his eyes as he started to peer into my eyes with the lingering question. Goosebumps plagued my entire body as if it were cold outside. The breeze was light and mellow and there was no chill to it. “I mean, forgive me for the intrusion….”his voice trailed off. Cars, people, sounds of the sirens of the night in the city were hurling around us, but, for that moment, all of it sort of just silenced as the spotlight from the streetlight shone upon us. I met his stare. His eyes were a deep green, like the deepest ocean green, gazing into mine. It took my breath away. Everything felt like it was moving slowly. I felt a shaking, ragged, and shallow breath moving into my lungs and beneath my ribs as it slowly filled up my diaphragm. I could hear a heart beat fluttering. A deafeningly powerful sound rang of the peculiar beat kept rhythm inside my head and in my ears as if it were inside my own body. He grabbed my hand as it had slipped away without my will, without my knowledge, without my permission. My index finger lightly touched his wrist. I could feel his pulse. The sound of the heart beat fluttered stronger and louder. I couldn’t answer his question as I felt frozen. I had realized that the sound of the heart beat in my head matched the feeling of his pulse beneath my finger. It was a maddening and rushing sort of sound and it kept getting louder. I felt the familiar hunger pangs coming on. OH NO, this can’t be happening, NOT NOW, I thought. I began to panic.
He stared into my eyes and I felt his pulse quicken even faster, heavier against my finger tip. I could hear the blood rushing through his arteries….What the hell is going on here, I couldn’t break the stare. I couldn’t stop the hunger. How do I stop? Instinctively, I took my hand out of his and grabbed the back of his head. Within a millisecond, my lips crashed against his with a force, only the deep hunger I could no longer contain, could muster. I felt his tongue flicker in and out of my mouth. My own thrust deeper and deeper into his mouth. I was whirling out of control. My hands began to wonder. Incredulous! I couldn’t believe myself. His hand frantically yet nervously moved softly over the small of my back. I couldn’t stop. I wanted all of him. I wanted to feel him against me. I wanted to taste him. Oh my god, I have to stop……NOW! I let go rapidly upon the realization of the monster I had begun to feel like. I looked at him with startled fear. He probably thought I was a lunatic, I thought, maybe I am becoming one for all I know. I turned around and started to run as fast as I could toward the diner without him. My stupid heels were not easy to run in and by the time I was really running hard, I was cursing the wretched shoes. Good thing I know ballet which probably helped me keep from breaking an ankle. Regardless, it was rough to run in heels. As I ran, my thoughts raced and when I glanced back, I realized I hadn’t gotten very far. He was still standing there looking toward me. His appearance had changed. I had left him looking so rustled like a feather pillow I once slammed into Dean during the memorable pillow fight we had had in my childhood. I kept running, fighting the hunger with every step, every leap….fighting against the new side of me, coveting the strength I once knew.
I reached my car, finally, after what seemed like an eternity of running. I didn’t look back after the one time that I had. The memory of the way in which I left Grant still burned behind my eyes. I couldn’t turn back. Now that I have committed to running away, I stayed on the path. I felt I must. I felt like I was dangerous.
“Hey, you can’t do that……Yarrrrrrah! What’s wrong?” yelled a voice behind me in between gulps of panting breaths. I felt my head want to turn around and stopped it against my raging instinct. I stopped running, my car two feet in front of me, frozen like a cat about to pounce, out of fear. “What do I do now?” I said aloud to myself as if the voice that had been stalking me in my dreams would answer from within. Nothing. The safety of my car awaited me. I grabbed my keys out of the small bag I had been carrying on my arm and then dropped them to the ground. Frantically, I reached down to pick them up, my hand quivering violently out of control. I felt his hand on my forearm. I felt my body twist around as I tried to put up a fight against his embrace and then his hands on both arms at that point. I can’t fight this, I thought, so, I turned to face him and fell to my knees. That was when everything just faded out to darkness….